"Competition doesn't just tempt kids under pressure; it exposes the adults raising them."
The Throw-In I Can't Forget
On the field were two evenly matched teams, locked in a fast-paced back-and-forth game where every possession mattered. As each possession moved toward the opposite goal, the crowd would lean in, more intensely each time. With every action on the field, the crowd was doing everything in its power to will the ball into the net. Families and friends had traveled great distances to see this game. The moment is still so vivid and clear in my mind. With time running out, a battle for possession on the sideline ensued; it was a stalemate as the ball sailed out of bounds.
Right in front of me. And I was the coach. The foot that kicked it out belonged to my son. The referee signaled and awarded possession to us, to our team. With time running out and the opportunity to win the game in front of us, I urgently instructed my son to pick up the ball for a throw-in. I will never forget the confused look on his face as my 6-year-old looked up at me and said, “But Dad, that ball went out on me.” It was as if time stopped for a split second. I paused, maintained eye contact with my wide-eyed, soccer-playing son, who was trying to make sense of it all, and repeated in a more direct, authoritative tone, “Cannon, throw the ball in!”
What Pressure Reveals About Us
This story is painful for me. As I write this and reflect on that moment—now seven years ago—I laugh to keep from crying. But here is the tension: if a meaningless throw-in in a rec-league soccer game for 6-year-olds exposed what I actually reach for under pressure, what does real pressure do to a kid who's been taught that his worth is tied to performance? What does real pressure do to us as adults who have allowed our identities to be shaped by what we do—instead of who we are in Christ and what He has done for us?
Sports are a good gift and a training ground for character, but their formula (effort in, outcome out) makes them uniquely powerful in shaping our identity—who we are and what we believe to be true. Competition doesn't just tempt kids under pressure; it exposes the adults raising them. These pressure points reveal what we've actually built our identity on, whether or not we meant to build it that way.
Our identity is who we are; our assignments are what we do. Do sports cultivate a world in which that line is easily blurred? And do our identities become what we do?
The Sports Formula: Effort + Talent = Worth?
For an athlete, there is always more ground to gain; there is always more training, more preparation in order to win. That formula looks something like my effort + my talent = my outcome. The problem with this formula is that it makes me the star of the show. It makes me the center of the universe; it forms in me a faulty belief system that says it’s all on me to win the game, to carry the load, to save the day. That formula is a lie, and it's an exhausting one to live inside of.
What God Says About Your Child's Worth
What my son needed to hear that day, and what I have since tried to impart to him, is that his worth and identity were never tied to that game and its outcome. Not only because he's my son, but because that's who God says he is.
1 John 3:1 says it this way: "See what kind of love the Father has given to us, that we should be called children of God; and so we are" (ESV). Being a child of God isn't a title you earn by playing well. It doesn't come from my effort + my talent. It's given through a relationship with Jesus.
That flips my sports formula upside down. My effort + my talent doesn't equal my worth; Jesus' effort, on my behalf, does. He gave His life for me. I didn’t earn it or deserve it; I just have to receive it.
Flipping the Formula: Jesus Won
He lived the perfect life I can't live and took the loss I actually deserved, so that my standing with God would never again depend on my performance. I'm not the star of the show. He is. And that's the best news I've ever gotten, because it means the outcome was never mine to carry.
The ball is going to go off my foot and out of bounds. Time is going to run out. I will lose a game. But Jesus won. Imagine if we approached sports in the freedom of that reality.
Ben Wade is Executive Pastor of Ministries at Venture Church and attends the Jones County Campus with his family in Laurel, Mississippi. He is a husband, dad, and ever-growing sideline coach.
Common Questions About Youth Sports and Identity
How do youth sports affect a child's identity?
Sports are a good gift and a training ground for character, but sports run on a formula: effort in, outcome out. That formula is great for building discipline, but it can quietly teach a child that their worth rises and falls with their performance. Parents and coaches often reinforce it without meaning to.
How do I keep my child's identity from being tied to performance?
Tell them, and show them, that their worth was never tied to the game or its outcome. For a Christian family, that worth comes from who God says they are: a child of God (1 John 3:1, NIV).
How can Christian parents handle the pressure of kids' sports?
Competition doesn't just tempt kids under pressure; it exposes the adults raising them. Pressure points reveal what we've actually built our identity on. Start by noticing what pressure reveals in you. Then remind your child, especially after a loss, that their identity is who they are (a child of God), not what they do on the field.
What does the Bible say about identity, worth, and performance?
1 John 3:1 says we are called children of God because of the Father's love, not because we earned it. Our standing with God rests on what Jesus did, not on our performance.
"See what kind of love the Father has given to us, that we should be called children of God; and so we are." (1 John 3:1a, ESV)
What should I say to my child after a tough loss?
Something like: "I loved watching you play. You're my kid, I love you, and that was never on the line today." The goal is to separate the outcome from their worth.
Next Steps: Join a Parenting Group This Fall
For more on parenting, check out the Semester Groups, which will offer parenting groups this fall. Offered at all five Venture Church campuses: two in Hattiesburg, plus Wiggins, Gulfport, and Laurel. The MVMNT for 6th-12th-grade students happens. These occur at the same time to better accommodate your family.
Related Reading:
Is your student overwhelmed by the pressure to fit in? Check out Peer Pressure in College and High School: Fear of Being Left Out.
Know a high schooler struggling to find their place? Share 4 Ways to Stand Out in High School (Without Following the Crowd).